My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
