Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
