I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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