I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
