nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.