I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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