he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
