im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
