Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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