I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize