AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
