She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
