Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
