You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
