sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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