I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
