Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
