So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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