his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
