I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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