we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
