Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
