high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
