Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
