I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
