we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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