My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
