Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
