3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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