Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
