That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
