he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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