I heard we made out
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
