and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
