girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
