you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
