i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
