she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
