Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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