guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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