Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
