i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
