i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
