i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
