and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
