They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
