No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
