Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
