We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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