3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
