I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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