Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
