god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
