somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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