You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
birth control should be required to get into college
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
