I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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