as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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