I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
