just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
