I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
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Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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