I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Operation Purity has been aborted
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize