What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
