Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
