I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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