It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
