I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
