Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
