3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
