Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
