this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
