It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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