I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
