when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
