today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
