You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
