Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
