If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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